By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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