My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
