The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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