you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
