i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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