Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
