I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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