it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We left the knife in your bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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