i don't like sucking hair
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
