Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
