Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
