Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
