Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
