What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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