i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
