he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
