Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
