i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
