Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
