Where is the hickey?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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