the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
