Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
