Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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