Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
