Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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