All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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