I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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