this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
