he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
