Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize