Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
