Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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