I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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