Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
