oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
