Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
