I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
