I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
