when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love having hate sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize