woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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