the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
