I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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