so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
