Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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