I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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