To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
