U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
