Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
