im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
