I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
