Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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