your parents love me but you hate me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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