You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
