No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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