He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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