there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
