rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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