His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
