I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
