we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
