i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
