I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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