i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
