party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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