Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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