Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
