She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
