I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
