That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
