Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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