i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
