I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize