My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
