i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
