what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
