I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
