My liver just broke up with me...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
