hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
