why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
